3. Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Matthew D Lieberman

Our need to connect with other people is even more fundamental and basic than a need for food and shelter. We have a unique ability among species to read other peoples minds, to figure out their hopes, fears, and motivations, allowing us to effectively coordinate allies with one another.

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This is amazing book. It will clarify a lot of things that you probably noticed from your surroundings. It gives clarification on many questions one may ask. Here are some for example:

How we as human beings see social threats?

Why we fear reticulating in front of other people? Why we always tent to follow the crowd?

I picked some interesting facts of the book.

Our need to connect with other people is even more fundamental and basic than a need for food and shelter.

We have a unique ability among species to read other peoples minds, to figure out their hopes, fears, and motivations, allowing us to effectively coordinate allies with one another.

We are wired to be social. After food and shelter we need to meet social life, because we are not able to do anything else.

At the age of 10 hour brain has done 10,000 hours work in social.

When we don’t think of anything, our brain switches to solving social puzzles.

Being with and around people means survive.

Mother Theresa said that the most devastating thing what one can experience is to live without other people. Don’t always search in yourself. Look around to find out who you are. People give you feedback is all the time.

Our brains want us to be average for survivor and safety. We are survivor machines.

People who can be seen by cameras therefore punished by society behave better. Less stealing and breaking rules. The worst punishment is, what will others say.

We won’t be good for the group because they reward us. The key is giving.

Social pain is like physical pain. It helps us ensure the survival of our children by helping to keep them close today a parent. The new ruling between social and physical pain also ensures that staying social contact it will be a lifelong need, like food and warmth. Given the fact that our brains treat social and physical pain similarly, should we as a society treats social pain differently than we do?

Our society has assumed the smartest among us are those who have particularly strong analytical skills. But from the listener in perspective, perhaps the smartest among us are actually dealt with the best social skills.

I do not mean to suggest that physical and social pain are identical. No one has ever broken his arm and confused with having been dumped by his girlfriend. Memories of social pain are much more intense the memories of social pain. Different kinds of pain feel differently and have distinctive characteristics. Social pain is a real pain just as physical pain is real pain.

– When we take a pill for headache it seems that it helps our feelings of heartache go away too.

– Taking a pill for headache or physical pain had made the brain’s network less sensitive to the pain of rejection.

– Mutual cooperation activates the reward system as an end in itself.

All tests show that our supposed to be selfish and reward system seems to like giving more than receiving. Even test with children show that teenagers reported taking pleasure in helping their families in daily life, they also showed increased reward system activity when donating their money to the families.

– Our cultural development of skills and habits depends on our capacity of imitation.

– If the person is unable to mimic those facial expressions because of recent Botox injections that actually paralyze the expressive muscles in the face, that person will actually be worse at recognizing emotions in others.

– Our self works for a group to ensure that we will fit in. Most of us will conform to group norms, promoting social harmony.

– Possibility of being judged and evaluated by others dramatically increases our tendency to behave in line with societies values and morals.

The message is clear I’ll brain is profoundly social, with some of the oldies social wiring dating back more than hundred million years. Our wiring motivates us to stay connected. It returned our attention again and again to understanding the minds of the people around us like a rubber band snapping back into place.

If you are builder poverty line, every additional $1000 you earn dramatically alters your well-being. But once the basic needs are met, increasing income only adds the tiniest bit to well-being.

Earning $50,000 a year in a neighborhood where most people earn 30,000 a year could make us happier then earning $100,000 a year and having neighbors than $200,000 a year.

The good news is that building more social into our lives is a very cost-effective getting coffee with a friend, talking to a neighbor, or volunteering won’t make your wallet light and could significantly improve your life. The bad news is that as a society, we are blowing it. People are significantly less likely to be married today then they were 50 years ago. With volunteer less, participate in Fever social groups, and entertain people in our homes less often than we used to.

We are built to turn our attention to the social world because, in our evolutionary past, the better we understood the social environment, the better our lives became.

Adam Wojnar

 

 

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